moving on
As the children get older, our family undergoes small but significant seismic changes. Because my three are so close together (32 months from Tom & Alice to Phoebe), when the tectonic plates of family life shift they are quite noticeable. This means we don't have children inhabiting different eras for long periods (even though it can feel like aeons when one child is some way ahead of, or way behind, the other two).
We've just reached the end of an era now that Phoebe is no longer a primary school girl. In fact, that girl already seems lost in the mists of time, fossilised in another world. Instead, she has bounded into the new era and is morphing into a new species of senior school girl with enthusiasm, and great potential to survive and develop. Little changes - hair, style, shoes - reveal Phoebe was ready to move on.
As was I. I like these alterations, the way we all have to adapt to our continually changing family dynamics. I don't get sentimental about the way we were (although the children love to hear stories about themselves when they were little) and I don't try to resist change. Instead, I see it as an opportunity to experience something new.
It took me while to realise that the difficult or challenging 'phases' of childhood all pass eventually. To be replaced with an equally challenging new 'phase'. And so it will go on forever. Also, let's not forget that the children no doubt feel we, as parents, have our phases, too. Some, like Birkies and nail-varnish on toes are even shared. Here is Phoebe's version of this phase.
So I am looking forward to having three senior school children who will become more and more independent as the new era progresses. If I don't change with them, I'm in danger of extinction (metaphorically speaking) and that would never do. Because the other thing that I've discovered in my study of family geology is that teenagers possess a rich seam of humour and wit and imaginative thought processes which makes them extremely good company - provided we are willing to see them as they are, and not as they were.
Here we are, then, in the Neoteenagerozoic era. I just hope there will not be too many earthquakes in this one.
***
In very timely and nicely appropriate fashion, Phoebe has suddenly grown out of all her shoes. As a result, she is newly shod for moving on, as the photos prove. She's even bought herself some skates for a really fast getaway.
I love those sneakers! AND the way you've written about your children and the changes that keep coming. I think you are very wise to suggest that we embrace the changes and look forward to something new....I just said to my soon to be 10 year old last week that it's important to keep looking forward with excitement and not spend too much time looking back :)
Posted by: Andrea | July 10, 2007 at 01:54 PM
I feel this way with my little sisters, who are four and six years younger than me. As children, they were just the little sisters and I felt an imense age gap between us. I really loved them back then too, but as they morphed into teenagers, they became compagnions and best friends to me. Now, one of them is even dating a very good friend of mine. First this was a little bit strange, but hey! I adjusted to it and am now happy that these lovely people found each other :-) I wish you a wonderful era of teenagehood with your children, although it can be pretty tough sometimes, too, can't it? :-)
Posted by: Anna | July 10, 2007 at 02:07 PM
I am a high school teacher, a fact that often makes people gasp and say, "How can you be with TEENAGERS all day?" (As though I work with Gila monsters or piranha.)
But you are correct--that "seam" of energy produces people with wit, passion, and commitment, channeled correctly...I love my students. They keep me young; they help me remember my own dreams and commitments.
And I love Phoebe's mary jane crocs!
Posted by: Dana | July 10, 2007 at 02:20 PM
Thank you for expressing this in such a wonderful way. I have my own 2 teenage boys (14 & 16) and work in a middle school library surrounded by 850 13 & 14 year olds. Your post has made me realize that I, too, have entered the Neoteenagerozoic era, and it really is quite a bit of fun. Also, those yellow & purple bunny shoes are the best ever; I'm off now to seriously look for a pair for myself.
Posted by: Bonny | July 10, 2007 at 03:10 PM
the first time you'd mentioned elizabeth taylor and her books, i'd to admit i'd thought, oh, i didn't knew that she (the actress) had also published books...
because you mentioned her (the author) a couple of times, i finally got some of her books... and i love them!!! i'm a non english-native, but i love the english (the english english!) language and the english accent a lot. therefore it's a real pleasure for me to read madame taylors books... thank you!!!
Posted by: sabine | July 10, 2007 at 03:11 PM
I love this post. My own four teenagers are now moving into their twenties so another new phase in our family life. And whilst, like you, I really try and embrace the changes, I have to admit the teenagers have been such fun and brought such life into the household that i shall miss them a great deal
Posted by: jane | July 10, 2007 at 03:52 PM
I always look forward to reading your blog. The photography is beautiful. The colors, the arrangements, the plates, the flowers and the really special pieces of linen trigger a comfortable emotional reaction. And today the blog provided such words of wisdom...even to a 70 year old grandmother.
Posted by: Marion | July 10, 2007 at 03:55 PM
This was just what I needed to read! My two (13 and almost 12) are nineteen months apart, so it really has all happened rather quickly. Having the boy second, and his being at a school which goes up to 13, has eeked out the prep school phase a little bit. You're right: it is exciting to watch them move on and do exciting things. Occasionally, though, if I'm lying awake in the night, I get a little nostalgic....
I hope Phoebe is really happy in her new school!
Posted by: Jayne | July 10, 2007 at 04:16 PM
I love Phoebe's new bunny print shoes - Converse?
Posted by: Pam | July 10, 2007 at 07:18 PM
You are so wise to take this stance. One might as well, since there is no choice to be had, actually. My husband and I are clingers, though. He in particular had a hard time parting with "the daddy's little girls." phase. I had trouble with nostalgia when both were gone to school; the sweet time when your children are home and all yours is so short. Although we are different in many ways, we have the same taste in shoes! Exact same Crocs but a different color.
Posted by: Mary K. in Rockport | July 10, 2007 at 07:19 PM
Thanks Jane for the good advice and perspective. I needed to hear from another mother of a teenager today. Love the colourful photography to accompany your thoughts.
Posted by: Jayne | July 10, 2007 at 08:33 PM
Such beautiful photos. We just passed the teenage years and are now into the university years. Its very exciting.
Posted by: Kathleen | July 10, 2007 at 09:45 PM
Oh, outgrown shoes! My 10 year old daughter just passed her 12 year old sister in shoe size, and is gaining very rapidly on me. Do I have my daughters' hand-me-down party shoes to look forward to?
Posted by: Kelly | July 10, 2007 at 11:13 PM
Go Phoebe!! and thank you Jane for your words of wisdom - you are so right - each era has its very different joys and challenges, and whilst I relish them, I must admit I am still sentimental!
Posted by: catherine | July 10, 2007 at 11:20 PM
You're a better woman than me, Jane B! As the mother of two new teenagers, I really miss the squishy babies who couldn't get enough cuddling, and sometimes wish they could be traded for the scornful creatures I live with now - just for a moment's hug, perhaps.
Posted by: Max | July 10, 2007 at 11:37 PM
oh! the sneakers are wicked awesome with the bunnies though!
so sad, the aging of kids. they are my whole excuse for not growing up!
Posted by: hetaherly | July 11, 2007 at 12:56 AM
This post is a deep one and one I found very well put!!! It's exactly the way I feel...and I'm entering into a time with my 15 year old where it really is good company and the key very well may be me changing as I should! Maybe that is exactly where parents go wrong..when these times come. Good thoughts! (and OF COURSE the gorgeous pics that always go with)
Posted by: PJ | July 11, 2007 at 01:16 AM
Oh my! I once painted my toes just as Phoebe has painted hers, with a Mary Quant nail polish I procured on my first trip to England at age 14. The name on the bottle was "Blue Jean Baby". This was a few geological eras ago, needless to say...
And yes, teenagers are wonderful to have around. 20-year-olds too, when they do happen to be home, that is.
Posted by: Laura | July 11, 2007 at 02:17 AM
goodness I think I was meant to come here and read this this morning, it feels great to read that someone else is going through it, ahead of me on the journey and ENJOYING it. I read over and over about how awful teenagers are and wonder what will happen to mine! My oldest is turning 12 this week and the other two 9 & 5 are certainly past the baby stage. I feel this hard to put my finger on it feeling about it all but reading about your 'phases' makes me almost excited about what's to come, not just for them but for me as a mother. My whole view on motherhood has been 'reap what you sow' and if you put stuff in the children will blossom. So far it's worked so why should I think that hitting the teens will turn my children into these monsters everyone talks about.
thanks for the the great post
sarah
newgreenshoes
p.s. love the birkies and polish!
Posted by: newgreenshoes | July 11, 2007 at 02:30 AM
my kids came in batches. my 2 girls are15 months apart, then 6 1/2 years later, my boys are 2 years apart. as amazing as it was to watch my girls turn into young women, it was a journey i wasn't unfamiliar with. i was 18& 19 with thegirls. the boys are different. and not just because they're boys. i was 26 & 28 with these two. different perspective. different level of maturity on my part. and, even though they're only separated by 6years, a different life. life is so different now than it was when the girls were this age. i livein a much bigger town. and maybe, because these aremy babies (the "baby" will be 13 in august), i'm a little less likely tolet go? i'm trying, though.
Posted by: minnie | July 11, 2007 at 03:40 AM
"Cartwheels turn to car wheels through the town". Your post brought to mind Joni Mitchell's song The Circle Game. Circles, cycles and seasons are what it's all about man... Marking the milestones (as with Phoebe's party) and paying attention to "seasons" gives our lives focus and the security we need to let go of the seasons past. Your thoughts, words and photos are inspiring. Thank you
Jill
Posted by: Jill | July 11, 2007 at 01:00 PM
This post reminds me of these sweet Short Toed Socklets found here:
http://www.coats.de/PDF/reg_zehenfusslingENG.pdf
Posted by: Ruth | July 11, 2007 at 02:06 PM
Thank you for expressing it so well. I have been doing both lately - been sentimental about the way things were in my blog (talking about my grandmother and her embroidered tablecloths http://craftymathea.blogspot.com/2007/07/stitching-through-generations.html ) and rejoicing in change during a holiday visit from my nieces and nephews who are entering new phases in their lives, the girls becoming teens and the "baby" boys looking forward to their first day of school in August. Such fun!
Love Phoebes nails - my favourite colour!
Posted by: mathea | July 11, 2007 at 05:42 PM
What a very wise post. Thank you.
Posted by: Heidi | July 12, 2007 at 02:32 AM
Aw, what a sweet entry. It's very nice to see that you're looking forward to your children growing up and changing, even if it does mean being independent. Thats a great attitude. The picture with the blue toes made me smile a little, I had a whole phase of whacky colored nail polish when I was allowed to wear it heh.
Posted by: Jen (mellowbeing) | July 12, 2007 at 02:58 AM